Stop worrying

October 15, 2004

Many times it looks like we live for our worries. They sur-
round us and follow us everywhere we go. There might be a
lot to worry about or just many tiny issues that pile up and
make us uncomfortable. Worries are always subjective and
they also evolve over time. We learn to cope in life and do not
stress about the same things over and over again. Our subjects
of worrying change, but the basic concept remains intact—we
keep constantly stressing about our future and survival.

We build up expectations and then start to stress about
possible future outcomes. What-if scenarios with different
variations fill our mind and we cannot get past the mind’s
loops. Some of these worries may turn into obsessions and
even disturb our sleep and daily activities.

We worry because we cannot imagine anything else that
we are aware of. This means that our limited perception and
knowledge does not allow us to solve the puzzles our mind
has put in front of us to solve. Often, we are going around
with our thoughts that are dependent on factors that are
beyond our control. We desperately would like to know what
happens before the actual reality materializes. We cannot
stand uncertainty. Actually, we are only afraid of the uncer-
tainty. Even knowing what is going to happen, no matter how
bad, is more bearable than the great uncertainty.

We can continue worrying about everything in our life
nonstop. We can never know the future and, therefore, there
are always possibilities to come up with new unknown issues
or situations. This is not necessary, however. We do not need
to stress about life—it’s totally unnecessary. The paradox just
is that we have to realize this first and then we are liberated
from the catch-22. It is the same with most of the important
facts of life—we have to live them true, gain an insight first.
We have to see the pattern that our mind repeats every time.
It identifies some unknown issues and starts to process them.
This way, our mind keeps us busy—after all, our mind exists
only when we think.

The process to stop worrying can be started by gradual
steps: accomplish the small things first and move to bigger
and more significant items later. When we start to realize that
things do get sorted out and worrying really is unnecessary,
we will finally stop worrying altogether. Worrying has a lot to
do with self-confidence and acceptance. We have to know
and trust ourselves. When we are confident that we can han-
dle and manage in life no matter what comes our way, this
inner confidence will guide us and provide us with inner
peace. We stop worrying about other people and their
responses and thoughts about us. Our greatest concern will
then be to act according to our own intuitions and feeling
about what are the right choices and actions in the situations
at hand. As well, we realize that things that are beyond our
control should not be worried about at all—we simply have to
accept them, as they are and without any denial or resistance.
Facing the facts is often the most difficult part. We do not
want to admit the reality, even though we might somehow
realize it. It is just something too painful to accept.

By worrying we lose a lot of energy. Our mind keeps us
occupied and in the negative thoughts that tie us in a destruc-
tive loop. Instead of finding solutions or positive outcomes,
we are trapped in a loop of thoughts that lead nowhere. The
time we use wondering about our possible future we cannot
then use to find and identify new opportunities that may
bypass us in the meanwhile. Often, the very answers we look
for are offered to us but we simply cannot see them—we are
fixed in our thinking patterns and projected outcomes. In
other words, we are too busy worrying and life, and many
good moments and opportunities as well, passes us by.

Those people with great wisdom have always said that we
should stop worrying. Still, we do not believe them. Our life
has taught us that it will give us unpleasant surprises and liv-
ing hurts. We are afraid of the outcomes. Therefore, we con-
stantly try to avoid any imaginable disturbance or negative
incident. Still, these incidents come when we least expect
them—we cannot avoid them. We even die one day—no
matter how much we worry or think about it. Worrying does
not help us to live. Actually, it does not allow us to experience
and enjoy life as it comes, and it keeps us obsessed about some
future incident that potentially can happen or may not hap-
pen at all. The only one who loses in this game is us.
Worrying is time wasted without any positive outcomes
expected—one of the great lessons to learn in life.

This is the original text, and an edited version can be found in the Fragments of Reality -book.