Have To versus Can Do

We are often just struggling. Life is something we have to struggle through. We react, and most of the things are just issues that we have to handle. The attitude toward life is that we have to. Most of the things we are required to do like we would not have a choice. But what would you do if you could do what you want instead of what you had to?

We can live our entire life with the "I have to" state of mind. But this has a negative connotation and a pessimistic tone. "I'm the victim and all these things fall to me to sort out." This ideology is fine if you like to live this way. Yet it is not necessary to struggle and play the victim all your life. The circumstances may be the same and all the hardship still may be ahead of us, but we can definitely decide which way to deal with them.

It took me awhile to realize this point. I know others who have done this differently and very concretely. I achieved my realization through mental practice; I did it this way because I knew that I could carry it out the hard way if necessary. So it was not just simple lip service or dreaming. I started to go through all the things that I had to do. When I have to do something, it is out of necessity, and this means that I'm forced into the situation—I don't do it willingly. First I went through my list of things I had to do and came to the conclusion that I actually do not have to do anything—at all. I do not even have to die—it will be taken care of automatically when my time is up. So, there is absolutely nothing that I have to do. What now?

Then I started to consider what I would like to do. What would be important and meaningful to me? The things you choose do not necessarily need to be fun and easy—but they have to be truly significant to you. You can only give them a meaning and purpose. Step by step, you can start to get an idea of things that you regard as meaningful and things that you can do. Up to this point in your life, if you have lived the right way, by listening to your own intuition, it should not be a surprise that the things you choose during the exercise might be pretty close to the reality you are already living. Naturally, this might not be the case. But there is a fundamental difference now between the old situation and the new one—the approach and the attitude. Before the exercise, you had to do things and now you can do those things.

Our ordinary life becomes a set of routines that we take for granted. Our lifestyle and the choices we make are like necessities and obvious things that should be. Therefore, our life also starts to feel like a "have-to" achieving competition. When we question the reasons for the things we do and weigh their real purpose and significance, we may see things differently. We start to appreciate the choices we make and things around us. They are not necessities anymore, but things that we enjoy and want to do. And this is a big difference. Previously, we were unhappy carrying out things and feeling bad, but when we have been given the opportunity to do these things and see the purpose and meaning of them, it is a pleasure to contribute and carry them out—even the routine things.

This is a way to process things without any major crises. Naturally, we start to appreciate things when we face choices in a hard way. When we lose our health or have only a few moments to live, we start to see life differently. Suddenly there are not so many things we have to do, but instead things we can do. It would be a shame to lose a major part of our life because of the "have to do" attitude, especially when we could do and experience the same things with an open mind and positive joy of accomplishment. The choice is ours.