Focus on Life™

I found this article from my archives and it’s related to my book, Fragments of Reality, or actually why I wrote it.

Everyday Life

Most of us are living in a middle of constant rush and hurry. Either we create it ourselves or it is imposed and assumed by the external world we are exposed to. It is amazing how much noise is around us. It starts from the early morning when you’re barely awake and continues till the final moments before going to bed. We are never really here in the moment, ever. Either we are accompanied by a radio and mp3-player or then we are among other people who keep us busy. That’s life–everyday life.

Still everything happens here and right now. We walk, talk, meet people, travel, work, eat, and so on. All these comprise of our life. But all this is just the external frame or the stage of the plays. It’s the outcome or the façade. What we are really experiencing and going through cannot be interpreted from the outset. A top athlete may look busy while he/she is running but how do we know? Within the situation might be entirely different. Actually when one seems to be occupied by the outset the reality within is often exactly the opposite. You cannot afford to think while being in the moment. Every golfer knows this: think about the swing and you have lost it before the club touches the ball.

When is the right time to be? Never is the usual answer—I don’t have the time. But this is part of the illusion like anything else. We are all the time and it is not possible to be but now. What we mean by not being here is to say that we scatter our perception of the world either to the future or to the past—in our mind. This creates the illusion of not being here while you still are physically here. This paradox was something I started to write about. When one begins to observe the world around us it is easy to realise that most of the time we are not living, at all. In another words we are not present.

This non-presence is easy to prove to yourself. Every time you don’t remember a particular circumstance or occurrence you were not there—you were wondering in your mind. Isn’t this a bit intriguing, we live but actually we do not? We look but we do not see. We are receptive to sounds but we do not hear. We sit in a meeting but we are not there— atfer we might not even remember being there at all!

No wonder people may start to feel frustrated or disappointed. It appears that they are not living at all. But if you begin to realise this you still don’t have the time to do something about it. We are busy, with our everyday life. It’s the work, the family, the hobbies and so on. A nice catch-22: constantly occupied to be without ever being. Where to start and how? Is it even possible without going to some isolated place and leave everything behind? Go somewhere in order to find time to simply be. Do you see it! I repeat: go somewhere in order to find the time to simply be. But we already are, when we only realise it.

This is the reason I wrote the book while living my everyday life. Being present is not about places it’s about a state of mind. Therefore any situation or place will do. Actually the busier and more active your life the better your chances to explore and realise the beingness in your very everyday living. Inner peace and harmony are not related to the external circumstances but internal tranquility and presence. Who needs to be calm and quiet in the woods?

Every moment we declare who we are. Our presence, posture, and the way we move, talk, and act expresses the way we think and feel. This can also be heard from our voice—even over the phone. But most of all we are measured by our actions. Are you aware of all of these, every moment?

We consume a lot of our energy in thinking and feeling. The result can be either positive or negative. Worrying, stress, sloppiness, and absentmindedness are just part of the end results. And all of these can be factors embedded in your actions. They are the signals you sent to others—-most likely without realising it yourself.

Talking without meaning is very common nowadays. People just talk without considering what they are saying or promising. This has consequences in your environment as well. Trust can be lost only once. Similarly your credibility is decreased every time there is a discrepancy in your behaviour. We all know persons who are always late. You have learned to know how much the person is late in average, so you are not upset about it anymore. You simply re-evaluate the information according to your own judgment. Getting too far off the tolerance area means that the person might be entirely out of the game.

Postponing decision-making is easy. Unfortunately there never seems to be more time available in the future than now. Just ask from busy business executives—do they consider having more time available for them in 3 months time or even a year from now? I bet the answer is exactly the opposite. For the same reason you should take care of the issues as they emerge. Delaying enables you to pile a nice archive that needs to be sorted out but nothing else. Is it more fun to do things later than just think them over straight away and act accordingly? Often the immediate action takes almost the same amount of time than postponing. The difference is that only in the first case you have saved time for something else and also considered your actions as well. Over a period of time and practise a fast response can become a second nature. People seldom complain for being too quick to respond.

Efficiency means that you are good at what you’re doing. This means that you manage and are in control of the issues you’re dealing with. In other words you are supposed to be a professional that does not try, but simply acts. Therefore consider carefully your thoughts before speaking and carrying out your actions. By sending various signals you’re creating more chaos than clarity. Your credibility is only as good as your deeds. And if you are really engaged with your activities you do not have time to talk about doing something—just do it. Results are better than future promises. How much do you appreciate persons that only do maybe a half of what they have promised to do? Are you sure you’re not one of them?

Everything happens in the moment. Still we slip away from the awareness of it—many times a second. The mind wonders to the past or longs for the unhappened future but all these are realised in the moment, now.

Most of us are not awake even while not sleeping. The drowsing happens while living the daily life. We live out of our memory and not out of our creativity (imagination) like Les Brown once phrased. Living in the past means that we are repeating ourselves. We reproduce the thoughts, emotions, and actions from our past moments. All this happens over and over again. We are happy to stick with what we already know. Or as the case most of the time is we are swimming in the negative thoughts of fear extrapolating possible future events based on our past experiences.

Drifting away from the moment is nothing more than dreaming. And sadly this state is so heavy that it seems that nothing can create a state of waking up—even for a few split seconds. Fortunately everyone has those moments of being in the moment. Those intense feelings of being truly aware of presence carry a lasting memory print for a long time. Some experience them while doing sports, others by walking in the nature, and even encountering a close-by situation can trigger a heightened awareness.

Bu how to live now? In essence it’s very simple—you just focus on the moment 100%. This means that you do not think about the past or project a future, and keep on being in the moment only one moment at a time. Some call this meditation and indeed your life becomes a continuous mediation. And like any practise persistence makes a master. Don’t except quick wins or fast results. Actually more you expect the less you can be in the moment. Life is not about achieving but experiencing second by second.

The great news is that everybody can only live now. So there is nothing to learn or become—only to realise. The biggest hurdle is to overcome one’s fears. Our past haunts us, and as long as we have not dealt with it we are distracted from the moment. Living in the moment requires that we are in balance—exactly in the middle between the past and the future without any tilting to either direction.

Titles, categories, and labels—that’s how the life is often perceived. There are different functions, tasks, and roles to accomplish and carry out. Often those names deceive us to believe and do things that we do not like. In actuality we even may do exactly the opposites in a hope of brighter days.

Work, holiday, retirement, hobbies, spare time, and weekend are not real. They are labels or symbols. You give them the meaning and special connotation. Those words often embody many expectations, hopes, wishes, and desires. And they are not real either.

Most of the titles have also their opposite counterpart. Work is considered as an opposite of pleasure or holiday. One needs to ‘work’ in order to have fun, later. This labelling is an excuse to delay or deceive oneself from the current moment. Categories are necessary as long as one needs the counterpart as well. This fragmentation is entirely useless in reality—unless you are living under its spell.

Replace the counterparts with their opposite adjectives and you start to see the absurdity. It may not be any big surprise to realise that most of the daily activities are filled with those more or less negative connotations. Wouldn’t this mean that you’re spending most of your time doing something you rather not like to do at all? If that’s the case maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. We can only live now and it happens 24 hours a day, every single day. No holidays or exceptions.

There are two ways to cope with the situation. Either you can take a new course and start to drop off the unpleasant things and replace them with the things you love to do or you can change your state of mind towards the various engagements and tasks in your life. Nevertheless the end result is that there is no need to have various labels in order to contrast things against each other. To say it more bluntly we are taking responsibility and control of our lives and this shows in the way we carry out our daily existence. Every moment we declare by our very presence who we are. We show it by our actions, possessions, social network, even by the way we treat total strangers. No labels needed—we simply are.

Integrated living means that one’s life is consistent and in balance. There is an overall harmony and ‘lightness’ without extreme fluctuations or sudden ’highs and lows’. If you need to ‘party hard’ in order to wash off the work stress are you really enjoying your work? Life is too short to do things we do not appreciate and enjoy doing. Even hard work is fun when you’re engaged with the activities that are close to your heart and bring fulfilment to your life. Compromising seldom brings good overall results in the long term.

Still not convinced? Check again the second paragraph. It’s all about your own expectations and assumptions. The catch-22 does not open if you do not reconsider your values and priorities. If you still need those lavish expensive holiday trips and you ‘work’ only to maintain your expensive ‘lifestyle’ aren’t you saying at the same time that most of your hours are sacrificial for the few moments you spend enjoying the ‘fruits’ of your labour. As long as you cannot enjoy your life now but later you’re living in dreams and illusions. Life happens now—never later. How can you appreciate the destination if you do not value the journey as well?