Focus on Life™

When are we most proud of ourselves? It is on those moments when we have done something ourselves that requires effort and hard work. The joy comes from our own notion that we have excelled ourselves. We did something that was hard or even unthinkable some time ago. And most of all we did it ourselves—what a great feeling!

Still we tend to avoid hard work and let others do the trick for us. We resist anything that requires effort and stretching our capabilities in areas where we are weak. We hate everything strange and unfamiliar—we are actually afraid of it, just because it is something that we are not familiar with. And most of all it requires that we have to make an effort and extend our comfort zone by feeling vulnerable and insecure. We are afraid what may happen. Maybe the outcome will not be like we anticipated—we might even fail. And failing is never a positive experience in our mind. It is humiliating for us, and only for us, if we let it to be so.

Time after time we come right back where we started in our lives. Finally we have to admit that all the resources and time we spent looking for easy fixes and magic tricks that would do wonders for us are not working. We have to bite the bullet and simply do the most important things ourselves. It’s always some news for us and we seem to forget it each time. It is more comfortable to let others to think or do the job for us. Then we complain that we are not happy or our life is worthless. We are no good and cannot do anything right. Our life is without a purpose and no one appreciates us. No wonder if we have not achieved anything or made any efforts ourselves. We have lost the touch for our capabilities and ourselves. Simply we do not know anymore who we are since there are no occasions to test and define us by any real life challenges.

Integrity is something that only we, ourselves, can compromise. We are in control and decide how we live our life. Most of the situation or outcomes are not ours to decide but we can still choose how to take them. We define by our existence who we are. If we appreciate ourselves and are comfortable with our lives and choices we do, this is directly reflected in the world around us. The world is like a mirror for us. The way we look at it the same way it will look back. When we believe in ourselves and are who we believe we are this cannot get unnoticed by others. We claim ourselves by our existence.

Unfortunately we are often uncomfortable with ourselves. We are insecure, hesitant and shameful about our existence. In other words we do not trust ourselves and this radiates to the world around us. People can feel and smell it. We are contradicting ourselves—we are not confident and comfortable.

Integrity builds from the fact that we accept ourselves as we are—with all the faults, shortcomings, and good qualities. More importantly we are open to ourselves and let us do mistakes. We are not afraid of being what we are and therefore also to fail sometimes. We are not shamed to be ignorant, clumsy, or otherwise not so perfect with all the things and situation we have to face. We are proud but humble to be the one who we are. No matter what we do—it does not change or compromise our integrity, our existence.

We can only compromise our own integrity by not being honest with ourselves. If we are shamed what we are or present it means that there is something that we do not like about ourselves: something that we want to hide or get rid of it. There is something that we do not want to admit that we have but cannot bare. Our greatest burdens are our own expectations and self-judgment. We, and only we, can define who we are. Our life can be rich and exciting with lots of opportunities and humps in the way but the way we see them and feel about ourselves in the journey define who we are. Life is a road and only travelling is important. Why not concentrate on learning about ourselves and allow us to make mistakes on the way. If we are not allowed to fail how could we learn at all? Expeditions are always risky and hard work but is there any another way to conquer undefined territories (in us)?

Our life is full of low and high moments. In the great
moments, we have a feeling of being in control and having
some special qualities. In the blue moments, we feel insecure
and imperfect. Usually we reflect our qualities and self-image
based on the activities and outcomes around us. We draw quick
conclusions and create causal relationships with the outcomes
and our own contribution to the events. These evaluations are
subjective and are dependent on our perception of the issues.
Unfortunately, we can only observe things from our perspective
and without better understanding of the actual relationships
and reasons for the matter. This continuous appraisal, which
can be more or less subconscious, cumulates and supports our
own personal development for better or worse.

In the extreme, false, continuous interpretations of situa-
tions often lead to dramatic disappointments and incidents
that restore us to the reality. We have to face the fact that we
might not have been as great or clever as we have thought.
Something unrespectable or unfavorable happens for us that
contradicts our understanding and perception of the reality.
This comes as a shock to us but not really to the people
around us. We are usually the last person to realize this. Our
loved ones and people dear to us may have tried to warn us in
various ways, but we have not taken these indications as
something of great relevance. In other words, our self-image
has let us down.

We cannot escape the fact that we are bound to experience
life with subjective judgment. We are imperfect and our per-
ception of the world is not objective. Our understanding and
perception of the world changes over time. We are more or
less ignorant despite our best intentions. In fact, each human
being is trying his or her best but because we are different, the
degree and level of ignorance varies greatly among human
beings. These differences create the disruption and conflicts
among us. If our perception and knowledge would be totally
aligned, there would not be disputes and issues between us. In
other words, we all would possess exactly the same qualities
and similar understanding of all the issues.

Humbleness means that we are aware we are not perfect.
We admit that “we are only human”—we do make mistakes.
Many of our faults are materialized even when we are not
aware of them. To realize this, we must also comprehend that
other people make mistakes as well. They do not intend to do
so but like us, they simply are not aware of their own short-
comings. They are in the process of learning about them-
selves. Every one of us is in a different position and situation
in this learning process and we need other people and the sur-
rounding world to get us to become aware of and realize our
mistakes.

Almost without exception, we are offended when someone
tries to teach us about our shortcomings. We do not like to
take advice from other people. We should know our own
business better than everyone else, especially when the
response is not very nice or polite. We get emotional or angry
and this can lead to actions and consequences we may regret
later on. From another point of view, our behavior results in
something that offends or is not correct from the other per-
son’s point of view. We may have not intended this but just
simply cannot realize it ourselves.

Humbleness lets us live our lives and learn about our qual-
ities without judging other people in their shortcomings.
Being humble about our own behavior and actions acknowl-
edges that we are like children who are still learning about
life. We are not very knowledgeable, and there are others who
can teach us more. Because we are still so inexperienced and
ignorant, we are in no position to give any advice or offer
opinions of other people’s behavior. We have so much to do
with ourselves that it would be ridiculous to advise others
when we are not capable of coping with our own lives and
being a perfect role model for ourself. A master is responsible
for his or her teachings and, therefore, should advise only in
matters in which he or she completely excels. How many of us
can claim to master life?

Why is it so easy to see the faults in others and be blind to our own? Often we jump to conclusions and judge other people on the outset. The fact is that we do similar or different mistakes in our life everyday—often we just do not recognise them.

The faults of others are an excellent mirror for ourself. By seeing the behaviour and actions of others we can learn from their deeds and correct our own behaviour in return. In addition we can be reminded of the shortcomings we have already been overcome by noticing the same issues in other people. This should make us humble and kindly acknowledge us that we are not perfect either. Everybody has their own shortcomings and they do their own choices and bear the consequences as well. We can do our part but we should not try to judge or intervene to their choices. Even less we should get provoked or irritated. This definitely do not help the others to realise that there might be something to improve in their actions. Everyone is a mirror for everybody else and therefore each human interaction is an outstanding opportunity to learn from the other, and upmost learn about ourself.