Focus on Life™

When are we very positively surprised and overwhelmed?
When something out of the ordinary and unexpected hap-
pens, something we have not thought about—something
fresh and new to us. This happens outside of our (previous)
experience and knowledge, and it makes us happy and joyful.
We would love to be more spontaneous, but it is so hard and
difficult. Why?

We love to plan things. It is great to think ahead and imag-
ine the details and occasions we want to accomplish and live
by. Planning is something we do naturally. Most of it is done
purely for practical reasons and for everyday routines. We
need to schedule and arrange our life in a way so we can take
care of our obligations and duties. Worrying is a special type
of planning—it concentrates on the negative issues and their
potential occurrences. We are not actually “planning” for an
occurrence, but being afraid and speculating about all the pos-
sible outcomes and issues that could happen. A positive type
of planning is dreaming. We dream about great things that we
would like to achieve and gain, moments and experiences that
we think would make us happy. Nevertheless, all of this is just
our mind game. Some of it is practical and necessary, but
most of it is a total waste of energy and effort. Actually, it can
prevent us from experiencing more and greater things than
we are ever capable of dreaming (or planning) about.

Our plans are derived from our experience and knowledge.
They project the future as we can imagine it. This makes the
future predictable and “ordinary” for us. We can imagine it
and dream about it—live it in our mind beforehand. It cannot
include anything that we cannot know about. Certainly it has
nothing to do with the reality. We have no means to plan the
future. Still, planning often makes our life “boring.” And it
makes it feel like every day is the same and repeats the same
patterns over and over again. No day is any different, and
nothing new happens. Sound familiar?

When we plan things, we are preparing to live according to
our plan, which means that we are not open for the moment
or anything new. We live according to our already thought
through plan, merely executing and implementing that plan.
Like robots that “think” what happens next and follow the
preprogrammed plan, we do not actually live in the moment.
This makes life boring and predictable. We “hypnotize” and
make ourselves believe our plan, and then we see and hear
what we want to hear and see—according to our own manu-
script—we create a catch-22. How can we experience some-
thing new if we always live according to our existing
knowledge?

Sometimes we run into an interesting person or do some-
thing crazy. These are the times when we live in the moment.
We are not planning but experiencing and letting life carry us
forward. Life offers us many great surprises and opportunities
every day, but we have to be awake and ready to acknowledge
them. Often we appear too busy or occupied to carry out the
daily activities we have planned and expected to accomplish
everything. But it is too scary not to plan. It implicitly tells us
that we might not be in control, something we prefer not to
experience. We would rather plan and know what to expect. It
is safer this way, even though often our mind creates the mis-
ery and sadness because we are too afraid to welcome some-
thing new. It is the unknown we are so scared of, that which
we cannot plan for or know beforehand.

This is the great step we have to take. Once we make it
over the threshold, we realize that all the worrying was for
nothing. Life actually becomes more interesting and exciting
when we are open for the opportunities. Plans are unneces-
sary because life often turns out differently than how we had
imagined it. Being free and living in the moment give us a
tremendous amount of energy to experience and observe
because we are not tied up in planning for the future. Reality
is an even better planner than we are; it is the only thing that
can give us positive surprises. We cannot plan our own joy
and happiness—and we are even less capable of planning to
surprise ourselves! Plan less and experience more. Is that a
plan?

We are often just struggling. Life is something we have to
struggle through. We react, and most of the things are just
issues that we have to handle. The attitude toward life is that
we have to. Most of the things we are required to do like we
would not have a choice. But what would you do if you could
do what you want instead of what you had to?

We can live our entire life with the “I have to” state of
mind. But this has a negative connotation and a pessimistic
tone. “I’m the victim and all these things fall to me to sort
out.” This ideology is fine if you like to live this way. Yet it is
not necessary to struggle and play the victim all your life. The
circumstances may be the same and all the hardship still may
be ahead of us, but we can definitely decide which way to deal
with them.

It took me awhile to realize this point. I know others who
have done this differently and very concretely. I achieved my
realization through mental practice; I did it this way because I
knew that I could carry it out the hard way if necessary. So it
was not just simple lip service or dreaming. I started to go
through all the things that I had to do. When I have to do
something, it is out of necessity, and this means that I’m
forced into the situation—I don’t do it willingly. First I went
through my list of things I had to do and came to the conclu-
sion that I actually do not have to do anything—at all. I do
not even have to die—it will be taken care of automatically
when my time is up. So, there is absolutely nothing that I
have to do. What now?

Then I started to consider what I would like to do. What
would be important and meaningful to me? The things you
choose do not necessarily need to be fun and easy—but they
have to be truly significant to you. You can only give them a
meaning and purpose. Step by step, you can start to get an
idea of things that you regard as meaningful and things that
you can do. Up to this point in your life, if you have lived the
right way, by listening to your own intuition, it should not be
a surprise that the things you choose during the exercise
might be pretty close to the reality you are already living.
Naturally, this might not be the case. But there is a funda-
mental difference now between the old situation and the new
one—the approach and the attitude. Before the exercise, you
had to do things and now you can do those things.

Our ordinary life becomes a set of routines that we take for
granted. Our lifestyle and the choices we make are like neces-
sities and obvious things that should be. Therefore, our life
also starts to feel like a “have-to” achieving competition.
When we question the reasons for the things we do and
weigh their real purpose and significance, we may see things
differently. We start to appreciate the choices we make and
things around us. They are not necessities anymore, but
things that we enjoy and want to do. And this is a big differ-
ence. Previously, we were unhappy carrying out things and
feeling bad, but when we have been given the opportunity to
do these things and see the purpose and meaning of them, it
is a pleasure to contribute and carry them out—even the rou-
tine things.

This is a way to process things without any major crises.
Naturally, we start to appreciate things when we face choices
in a hard way. When we lose our health or have only a few
moments to live, we start to see life differently. Suddenly
there are not so many things we have to do, but instead things
we can do. It would be a shame to lose a major part of our life
because of the “have to do” attitude, especially when we could
do and experience the same things with an open mind and
positive joy of accomplishment. The choice is ours.

Do we know what it is to live? We say we’re living. So we
should be masters of life. What does it mean to be alive?

It looks like a lot of routines and useless everyday tasks. We
call it the ordinary life. But by being alive we mean none of
those moments of gray days and sleepy mornings. For us to be
alive is about experiences and moments that stick out from
the ordinary—something to remember, no matter whether it
was for good or bad. Nietzsche wrote about his own life and
marked that his weakest moments were his greatest moments.
They made him stronger.

Our greatest moments are the ones where we have experi-
enced something meaningful. They have taught us something
about life, about its sadness, sorrow, beauty, joy, anger, hatred,
love, happiness, or freedom. These lessons usually do not
come easily. Many times it means that we have to break out of
the ordinary, safe life, and we can be caught by surprise.
Experiences require us to extend our limits—come out of our
safety zone. (Otherwise they would be part of our ordinary
lives.) Sometimes stretches are giant leaps that hurt us deeply.

On the other hand, some experiences happen out of
nowhere, where we can just enjoy the beautiful moment with
total harmony like a sunset on a perfect summer day. There
are no expectations, and we take life as it comes, with no fear
or stress but just with curiosity and open-mindedness—like
in a holiday trip.

What are the moments you’re the most proud of? For
many, these moments are ones where we have done some-
thing that we believe was the “right thing to do.” Something
noble, humble, unselfish—almost heroic. We were not think-
ing about ourselves, we were acting for a greater good.
Hollywood movies, fairytales, and novels are full of these sto-
ries. They resonate in us and give us a good feeling. Somehow
it’s built on us and is universal. Is that to be truly alive and the
purpose of life? Or is it called love? And what if love, life, and
truth are just different names for the same purpose, and our
journey is to get to know them by living and experiencing.