Focus on Life™

Is your life in distress – maybe your career, personal direction, relationships, work, or all the above? A cul-de-sac can be a major issue with no easy way out. Still, the answer might be closer than you have realised.

Our reality is the product of our own thinking. It is built upon our assumptions, beliefs, past experiences, and knowledge. In other words, we often repeat the same record over and over again, and even without noticing it. Alas, this is the reason for the unbearable difficulties and ‘impossibilities’. We are stuck.

Instead of looking into future with great distress and trying to work one’s way out, how about pausing for a while and truly looking around you? Where are you and how did you end up here? Where did you come from and why did you choose to be here now? Don’t be surprised if you just simply don’t know, or you don’t have a good answer. That’s how it often is — life just happens if we are not proactively making conscious decisions. We drift and react on daily basis; days turn into weeks and weeks into months, even years. No wonder things may start to seem and feel the same!

Understanding where you are coming from often helps to get a bigger picture of the choices and experiences leading to the current stage. But don’t take it for granted that you have to continue in a similar manner. Each moment you have a chance to make a difference and do something else. We do not have to repeat ourselves like robots —day-in and day-out. Many times the only way to realise the repetition is a major distress factor coming into our lives. It wakes us up since we simply cannot continue like nothing happened. The old record is broken — it just does not play again. We are lost.

If you acknowledge where you are coming from and definitely know that there is no way going forward it leaves at least one possibility left: the current moment. One can focus on the present moment, and try to figure out and observe the surrounding reality. After all it may not exactly be like one has thought it would be — the same old and boring as it ‘used’ to be. But since we only know what we know, it might first be a bit difficult to see something else than what we are expecting to experience. However, there is one great advantage that we haven’t used yet, and that’s exactly the discomfort factor. We know for sure that there has to be something else since things aren’t working the old way again! We have nothing to loose.

If you cannot change the circumstances, the past, and the future has not happened yet, you still have the current moment. So, you have something! And surely you have plenty of more as well. Many experiences, personal assets and resources that you have accumulated along the way in forms of developed talents, skills, knowledge, and so on. In another words you do not have to start from scratch like a newborn baby into this world. You have something to build upon. Maybe not exactly like you used to do it in the past, but perhaps even something better than before?

Getting nowhere and being just here is a great point to start to create something new. It’s very easy to change the direction and do something ‘unpredictable’. Find again the things you like to do and are passionate about. Start to live again a life that is meaningful and full of fun – just by purely being and doing things that are enjoyable. After all, why should we do things we do not like or believe in? It is just so easy to forget to enjoy our everyday life until we have almost entirely lost the track of the whole concept. Then it is time again to rediscover the joy of living and do something else. Life is not about achieving but about being in a manner that is fulfilling and content every moment. A distress can be a blessing in disguise. Carpe diem!

Many of us are learning the lesson with money. Either we are tight to make the two ends meet or we have an uneasy relationship with prosperity.
Wealth itself is a neutral issue. It is not either good or bad. We ourselves create the meaning and its role. Its scope can be very narrow and limited or wide and very significant. Anyhow, it is all up to us. It has nothing to do with the energy called money or anybody else except us. We create our own reality – the energy is happy to provide us whatever we wish for.

Therefore prosperity and abundance are at our reach. We can make it to happen. Actually nothing can keep as apart from it - if we only allow it ourselves. And this is the big if. It is not the circumstances or the economical situation. Not the job or anything else in our outside reality. There is no one else to deal with but us.

Can you see yourself already living in prosperity? Wait – stop for a while and really consider the previous point. This is important if you are going to make it to happen. Are you able to visualise yourself living in abundance?

The only thing that keeps us separated from abundance is our own beliefs. We don’t feel that we are worth the wealth. We undermine ourselves and simply don’t believe it is possible to realise. Maybe we have had some bad experiences in the past and thus we are reluctant to try again. It did not happen then why could this time be any different? Or we regard anything even closely related to business or money somehow unrelated or impure when talking about spirituality and higher purpose of life. We want to associate ourselves only with unselfishness and spiritually uplifting issues - not with the material reality.

What are all the above? They are our beliefs and associations that we have created ourselves. We believe so – not the wealth or the money. Nothing has any meaning except the one we create for it. Our reality is relative. This means that we can decide to use money for our own selfish purposes or use it as a tool to build a better future for all of us. Actually have you ever considered the possibility that the most spiritually evolved persons should also be the wealthiest? This is not so outstanding claim as it first might sound like. Who would be better servant for humanity than a prosperous and humble multibillionaire that uses his / her wealth for unselfish purposes? Not even talking about how these people would run their businesses…

Can you now see yourself surrounded by wealth and abundance?

Common misunderstanding about wealth is that is difficult to gain. Or that one has to work hard to earn it. Who says so? Money doesn’t care if you don’t. Actually abundance is our natural state of being. There has been previous Golden Eras when gold was widely available for everyone who needed it. Lack and limitations are our own creations. We are meant to be living among abundance if we only allow ourselves. Some of us are very harsh and hard on ourselves. Our previous hardship has taken its toll and subconsciously we blame ourselves for the difficulties. We think that we have earned to be poor and to suffer. It is a lesson that we have to learn. In another words suffering by being poor is a thing that we need. Once again – if you believe so but certainly you do not have to.

Can you see all your friends surrounded by prosperity and wealth?

Wealth is energy like anything else. If you take good care of it and let it flow it will keep coming and become stronger. But if you use it for your selfish purposes and block the sharing of wealth it will drain. Life is economical. It gives for those who appreciate and cherish it. We do not own anything, rather being only humble housekeepers that take care of the resources and gifts provided to us. In another words we must feel to be worth the wealth. Be responsible and joyous about it. We must appreciate and use it wisely.

And finally the secret of prosperity. How to become wealthy? Simply by being one. First forgive yourself. Forgive yourself any hardship or shortcomings in the past. This is important in order to clear any old luggage out of the way. Secondly, love yourself. Love yourself from all of your heart so that you fill up with unconditional love so and it starts to spill over and finally you radiate pure love. Wealth loves to be around kind and harmonious people. You feel that you’re worth the wealth and it is a natural part of your reality. Beauty and wealth are as natural for you as any other part of your reality. And then the most important issue when you have now successfully prepared the ground for your prosperity: you know that you are wealthy. You must know this deep in your mind, bottom of your heart and solid as a rock in your behaviour. You must be wealthy. How does a wealthy person think, talk and act? This is the way you manifest your reality. A wealthy person do not worry about unpaid bills or low balance in the bank account. He knows that there is nothing to worry about. He / she is wealthy and everything is going to be alright. This does not mean that one should start to spend like a millionaire and take up new loans and so on. It simply means that since we create our own reality by our own actions, talks, and thoughts and these have to be in line with the desire of prosperity. We KNOW, FEEL and ACT with confidence that the wealth is on its way. Nothing can stop as from gaining it. We are creators and thus nothing can stop our prosperity but us. Just do it – you already are.

Every one of us is here alone (but not necessarily lonely). We
live among other people and yet all the great challenges of life
we have to face alone. Our friends and people we keep close
can support and give us the courage we need in our journey.
Circumstances often take us on some rough rides but the
greatest lessons are given to us by other people. Our life is
about relationships with people. Some are strangers and just
visitors in our lives and some are here to stay longer with us.

Our life is about learning new sides to and issues about
ourselves. The things in our lives are purely about us. The
people we meet, the situations we face—they are not coinci-
dences or pure chance. They have a meaning for us and help
us to get to know ourselves better. Still, it is up to us to do the
work and learn the lessons. Often we are ignorant and seem
to repeat the same patterns. We realize this when similar
kinds of things happen to us. For example, we might get
involved with the same type of people all the time—and they
get us into trouble. Or we seem to struggle with our bosses in
each and every new job we have. These things will happen to
us until we acknowledge the pattern and learn from our
behavior and actions. Then we are up to new challenges.

Other people play an important role in our lives. They are
the mirrors for us. They interact with us and give us the test
bed for getting to know our different sides and even hidden
talents and emotions. People, through their behavior and
actions, show us who we really are—and it should not be any
big surprise that often we are the last people to see the reality.
Just check with your closest friends—they may describe your
other side if you only let them.

We get angry and frustrated with other people easily. They
are the ones to blame. Why are we agitated? Why should
their behavior concern us? Other people’s problems or bad
behavior are not our problem. So there is no reason to get
emotional. Unless there is something in us that knows that
they have revealed or awakened some hidden issues in us,
such as ego, selfishness, laziness, greed for power, hypocrisy,
and so on. Naturally we do not like to be reminded of those
darker sides of us. We cannot stand it, and we blame others.
As long as we have these issues with ourselves, we will need
other people because we are not voluntarily working with
ourselves.

Therefore, each human interaction and moment in our life
is a new opportunity for us: to learn more about ourselves and
become better human beings. Every person you meet is most
of all teaching you about yourself. You only have to be humble
and open-minded to realize the messages. Remember to
thank the people around you. You don’t have to say any-
thing—just smile and love your neighbor. He or she is your
greatest teacher.

Our life is full of low and high moments. In the great
moments, we have a feeling of being in control and having
some special qualities. In the blue moments, we feel insecure
and imperfect. Usually we reflect our qualities and self-image
based on the activities and outcomes around us. We draw quick
conclusions and create causal relationships with the outcomes
and our own contribution to the events. These evaluations are
subjective and are dependent on our perception of the issues.
Unfortunately, we can only observe things from our perspective
and without better understanding of the actual relationships
and reasons for the matter. This continuous appraisal, which
can be more or less subconscious, cumulates and supports our
own personal development for better or worse.

In the extreme, false, continuous interpretations of situa-
tions often lead to dramatic disappointments and incidents
that restore us to the reality. We have to face the fact that we
might not have been as great or clever as we have thought.
Something unrespectable or unfavorable happens for us that
contradicts our understanding and perception of the reality.
This comes as a shock to us but not really to the people
around us. We are usually the last person to realize this. Our
loved ones and people dear to us may have tried to warn us in
various ways, but we have not taken these indications as
something of great relevance. In other words, our self-image
has let us down.

We cannot escape the fact that we are bound to experience
life with subjective judgment. We are imperfect and our per-
ception of the world is not objective. Our understanding and
perception of the world changes over time. We are more or
less ignorant despite our best intentions. In fact, each human
being is trying his or her best but because we are different, the
degree and level of ignorance varies greatly among human
beings. These differences create the disruption and conflicts
among us. If our perception and knowledge would be totally
aligned, there would not be disputes and issues between us. In
other words, we all would possess exactly the same qualities
and similar understanding of all the issues.

Humbleness means that we are aware we are not perfect.
We admit that “we are only human”—we do make mistakes.
Many of our faults are materialized even when we are not
aware of them. To realize this, we must also comprehend that
other people make mistakes as well. They do not intend to do
so but like us, they simply are not aware of their own short-
comings. They are in the process of learning about them-
selves. Every one of us is in a different position and situation
in this learning process and we need other people and the sur-
rounding world to get us to become aware of and realize our
mistakes.

Almost without exception, we are offended when someone
tries to teach us about our shortcomings. We do not like to
take advice from other people. We should know our own
business better than everyone else, especially when the
response is not very nice or polite. We get emotional or angry
and this can lead to actions and consequences we may regret
later on. From another point of view, our behavior results in
something that offends or is not correct from the other per-
son’s point of view. We may have not intended this but just
simply cannot realize it ourselves.

Humbleness lets us live our lives and learn about our qual-
ities without judging other people in their shortcomings.
Being humble about our own behavior and actions acknowl-
edges that we are like children who are still learning about
life. We are not very knowledgeable, and there are others who
can teach us more. Because we are still so inexperienced and
ignorant, we are in no position to give any advice or offer
opinions of other people’s behavior. We have so much to do
with ourselves that it would be ridiculous to advise others
when we are not capable of coping with our own lives and
being a perfect role model for ourself. A master is responsible
for his or her teachings and, therefore, should advise only in
matters in which he or she completely excels. How many of us
can claim to master life?

Why do two people live together? This question came up
today when my friend had some issues with his spouse.

The framework Martin Buber created in his famous book
I and Thou in the 1920s is one way to treat the subject. Most
of the time we are living in an I—It relationship with our
world. The world around us has some purpose for us. We
have created names (labels) and categories for various items,
things, and actions around us. We have a perception of them
and we think (i.e., we think we know) what they are. This
works OK with ordinary functions and items but not so well
with people. Still, most of the time we treat people like
things. They serve a purpose for us.

Another relationship is possible and this is I—Thou way
of being in the world. We do not try to categorize or label the
other. We admit that we cannot know the other person
entirely, not even talking about changing him or her. In addi-
tion, we are constantly changing, which means that nothing is
static (i.e., our thought model will not be realistic). In an I—
Thou relationship, we do not have any purpose, function, or
“image” of the other person in our mind. We simply take the
other as “fresh,” how she or he appears and is. We both are
what we are and discover each other every moment. This rela-
tionship can be achieved via a dialogue. In dialogue, both par-
ties share and contribute by creating something between
them that has no preconditioning or any expectations.

Quite a lot of marriages end up in divorce nowadays. We
often hear couples explain the reason for the split as the other
party changed or the couple just drifted apart over time. This
could not happen in an I—Thou relationship where someone
is not trying to get something from the other party. Nor is
there any attempt to change or try to define the other person.
When we create an image of the other person in our mind, we
also instantly create expectations and relationships. We create
an object that serves a purpose for us. Everything is fine as
long as the “image” in our mind matches with the reality. But
it only takes a few moments before the other changes and
shows some parts of his or her existence that do not fit to our
“perfect” picture of the other we had created earlier on. When
the illusion is broken, we get angry. We are disappointed or
frustrated. Our image of the beautiful life together did not
materialize. We had thought it through already (i.e., lived) in
our mind and then we just should have had to live according
to our predefined plan (i.e., imagination). When this does not
happen, we blame the other. We did not expect this. We did
not want this or we did not expect this to happen. The other
has changed—how unfair! Is there anything or anyone we can
rely on or trust anymore on these days!?!

Did we ever know the other? Did we actually have our own
needs and illusions and dreams we wanted to fulfil? The other
was just an object for those purposes. He or she came into the
picture because I needed him or her to fulfil my
dreams/needs. Maybe I was lonely, or needed to improve my
self-esteem, or I was after wealth or security, wanted to fulfil
others’ expectations (e.g., relatives) of a socially acceptable life
or I wanted to have a beautiful wedding or a family. Maybe I
was after happiness because I was unhappy before. Being
together was not enough in the first place. The question was
not even about the other person. We disappointed ourselves.
We failed our own expectations. The other person was just a
vehicle for our own needs. Were there any possibilities for a
lasting relationship after all—maybe everything went wrong
from the first impression (thought)?

Relationships can work out only when we are not expect-
ing anything from the other, ever, and when there is no need
to be fulfilled or anything that is lacked. When just being is
enough and no expectations are laid out, we can find love and
happiness. A true dialogue.