Focus on Life™

Talking with David McMillan about trust, knowledge vs. wisdom, and time.

 

 Episode 2 [33:35m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

We are all after happiness but seldom find it but only for a few glances or passing moments. Most of the time we are seeking to gain it via different things, people, or situations. We try to reproduce the moments and experiences we already had or we are just randomly trying to imitate someone else’s life with their choices. And all these methods fail to provide us anything but suffering and continuous seeking of happiness—they all are external to us.

Happiness is a state of mind that is independent of the circumstances or our surroundings. It is our natural state of being that we have learned to ignore while growing up. We have substituted the internal happiness for objects and desires external to us. They are conditional and related to some activities or specific points in time. What is common to all of these is that they are not present right now. They are projected to the future. This type of happiness is something that you’re always waiting for. Your constant mode is to achieve and ‘earn’ your happiness by actions or circumstances. In other words you are living in illusions filled by your expectations. Disappointments are a frequent visitor when you are dealing with your future projections based on your expected outcomes of the future situations or events. How much in control of your life you really are?

This ‘when..then’ -type of conditioning is very convincing but it is not really living. It’s about building dream castles and denying the moment. You are saying that I’m not happy right now and I’m substituting this moment for another one in the future. You are after the carrot that is always attached to the current moment—the stick stays in the future with the appealing prize as well. This takes many forms. We may prefer to work overtime and then compensate it back in the holidays. Or we are accumulating substantial wealth that we are hoping to spend after retirement. How can you enjoy your life later if you cannot do it now?

Happiness is not a destination—it is a journey. If you are not comfortable being in the journey you are suffering in the destination as well. Life is about experiencing and enjoying every moment you have. It requires that you are comfortable with uncertainty and change. We can only be happy when we have learned to accept the things that we cannot change and regard every passing moment as a gift that has some valuable lessons and experiences to give us. Only when being is enough you can be happy. As long as you need to achieve or become you are not going to find happiness. Life is about change and being in the moment—exploring the unknown.

Everything happens in the moment. Still we slip away from the awareness of it—many times a second. The mind wonders to the past or longs for the unhappened future but all these are realised in the moment, now.

Most of us are not awake even while not sleeping. The drowsing happens while living the daily life. We live out of our memory and not out of our creativity (imagination) like Les Brown once phrased. Living in the past means that we are repeating ourselves. We reproduce the thoughts, emotions, and actions from our past moments. All this happens over and over again. We are happy to stick with what we already know. Or as the case most of the time is we are swimming in the negative thoughts of fear extrapolating possible future events based on our past experiences.

Drifting away from the moment is nothing more than dreaming. And sadly this state is so heavy that it seems that nothing can create a state of waking up—even for a few split seconds. Fortunately everyone has those moments of being in the moment. Those intense feelings of being truly aware of presence carry a lasting memory print for a long time. Some experience them while doing sports, others by walking in the nature, and even encountering a close-by situation can trigger a heightened awareness.

Bu how to live now? In essence it’s very simple—you just focus on the moment 100%. This means that you do not think about the past or project a future, and keep on being in the moment only one moment at a time. Some call this meditation and indeed your life becomes a continuous mediation. And like any practise persistence makes a master. Don’t except quick wins or fast results. Actually more you expect the less you can be in the moment. Life is not about achieving but experiencing second by second.

The great news is that everybody can only live now. So there is nothing to learn or become—only to realise. The biggest hurdle is to overcome one’s fears. Our past haunts us, and as long as we have not dealt with it we are distracted from the moment. Living in the moment requires that we are in balance—exactly in the middle between the past and the future without any tilting to either direction.

Is your life in distress – maybe your career, personal direction, relationships, work, or all the above? A cul-de-sac can be a major issue with no easy way out. Still, the answer might be closer than you have realised.

Our reality is the product of our own thinking. It is built upon our assumptions, beliefs, past experiences, and knowledge. In other words, we often repeat the same record over and over again, and even without noticing it. Alas, this is the reason for the unbearable difficulties and ‘impossibilities’. We are stuck.

Instead of looking into future with great distress and trying to work one’s way out, how about pausing for a while and truly looking around you? Where are you and how did you end up here? Where did you come from and why did you choose to be here now? Don’t be surprised if you just simply don’t know, or you don’t have a good answer. That’s how it often is — life just happens if we are not proactively making conscious decisions. We drift and react on daily basis; days turn into weeks and weeks into months, even years. No wonder things may start to seem and feel the same!

Understanding where you are coming from often helps to get a bigger picture of the choices and experiences leading to the current stage. But don’t take it for granted that you have to continue in a similar manner. Each moment you have a chance to make a difference and do something else. We do not have to repeat ourselves like robots —day-in and day-out. Many times the only way to realise the repetition is a major distress factor coming into our lives. It wakes us up since we simply cannot continue like nothing happened. The old record is broken — it just does not play again. We are lost.

If you acknowledge where you are coming from and definitely know that there is no way going forward it leaves at least one possibility left: the current moment. One can focus on the present moment, and try to figure out and observe the surrounding reality. After all it may not exactly be like one has thought it would be — the same old and boring as it ‘used’ to be. But since we only know what we know, it might first be a bit difficult to see something else than what we are expecting to experience. However, there is one great advantage that we haven’t used yet, and that’s exactly the discomfort factor. We know for sure that there has to be something else since things aren’t working the old way again! We have nothing to loose.

If you cannot change the circumstances, the past, and the future has not happened yet, you still have the current moment. So, you have something! And surely you have plenty of more as well. Many experiences, personal assets and resources that you have accumulated along the way in forms of developed talents, skills, knowledge, and so on. In another words you do not have to start from scratch like a newborn baby into this world. You have something to build upon. Maybe not exactly like you used to do it in the past, but perhaps even something better than before?

Getting nowhere and being just here is a great point to start to create something new. It’s very easy to change the direction and do something ‘unpredictable’. Find again the things you like to do and are passionate about. Start to live again a life that is meaningful and full of fun – just by purely being and doing things that are enjoyable. After all, why should we do things we do not like or believe in? It is just so easy to forget to enjoy our everyday life until we have almost entirely lost the track of the whole concept. Then it is time again to rediscover the joy of living and do something else. Life is not about achieving but about being in a manner that is fulfilling and content every moment. A distress can be a blessing in disguise. Carpe diem!

A society is decaying when it is interested in only of the effects and not in the causes. What happens when the ‘needs’ are of most importance and the ways to satisfy them are despised? A moral decline.

Who does not have any needs? We all do. Newspapers are full of ‘needs’ to be fulfilled. They are very urgent and thus must be satisfied at any cost. But whose needs are more important than anyone else’s?  Why should others fulfil someone else’s needs? In short, what is the justification for the underlying assumption that everybody else except the person itself should be responsible for satisfying one’s own needs? This is to say that it is fine and noble to receive without one’s own effort and let the others even work for it. To close the circle the ones who are working for the ‘needs’ of others are morally despised by the others because they are making an effort and thus at least are getting something done. They are called selfish and greedy. It is socially acceptable to receive benefits in due cause solely because one needs them but it is low and almost criminal to mind one’s own business and stand firmly on one’s own two feet. Their needs are of no importance since they are capable of taking care of themselves. Thus it is OK to discriminate against the ones with capabilities and virtue—“they have it all” as it is often said. It is the ones who do not have are more important exactly because they lack something. And because they have deficiencies their ‘needs’ have to be fulfilled. In another words, ability and hard work are less valued than ignorance and vices. Not doing and trying are achievement themselves whereas making an effort and working for one’s success are self-evident and of no importance whatsoever—they are sacrificial.

It is socially acceptable to care for others’ well-being, often even in general terms without being able to define the others specifically (i.e. ‘public good’, welfare of the state, general good or welfare), and to do something that is non-profit and thus ‘not selfish’. This means that everyone minds everyone else’s business but no one is allowed to mind one’s own. A socially acceptable and morally just society is one where no one is selfish and thus not focusing at all for one’s own needs and well being. In addition, it is socially acceptable to receive if one has needs but if everyone is just to receive from where is it all then coming from? And how can the others know exactly what are the most important needs for everybody else? Or is it so that there is a more general standard which defines what others are supposed to need and in what proportions? Or is it just called the welfare state and democracy by majority rule?

Many of us are learning the lesson with money. Either we are tight to make the two ends meet or we have an uneasy relationship with prosperity.
Wealth itself is a neutral issue. It is not either good or bad. We ourselves create the meaning and its role. Its scope can be very narrow and limited or wide and very significant. Anyhow, it is all up to us. It has nothing to do with the energy called money or anybody else except us. We create our own reality – the energy is happy to provide us whatever we wish for.

Therefore prosperity and abundance are at our reach. We can make it to happen. Actually nothing can keep as apart from it - if we only allow it ourselves. And this is the big if. It is not the circumstances or the economical situation. Not the job or anything else in our outside reality. There is no one else to deal with but us.

Can you see yourself already living in prosperity? Wait – stop for a while and really consider the previous point. This is important if you are going to make it to happen. Are you able to visualise yourself living in abundance?

The only thing that keeps us separated from abundance is our own beliefs. We don’t feel that we are worth the wealth. We undermine ourselves and simply don’t believe it is possible to realise. Maybe we have had some bad experiences in the past and thus we are reluctant to try again. It did not happen then why could this time be any different? Or we regard anything even closely related to business or money somehow unrelated or impure when talking about spirituality and higher purpose of life. We want to associate ourselves only with unselfishness and spiritually uplifting issues - not with the material reality.

What are all the above? They are our beliefs and associations that we have created ourselves. We believe so – not the wealth or the money. Nothing has any meaning except the one we create for it. Our reality is relative. This means that we can decide to use money for our own selfish purposes or use it as a tool to build a better future for all of us. Actually have you ever considered the possibility that the most spiritually evolved persons should also be the wealthiest? This is not so outstanding claim as it first might sound like. Who would be better servant for humanity than a prosperous and humble multibillionaire that uses his / her wealth for unselfish purposes? Not even talking about how these people would run their businesses…

Can you now see yourself surrounded by wealth and abundance?

Common misunderstanding about wealth is that is difficult to gain. Or that one has to work hard to earn it. Who says so? Money doesn’t care if you don’t. Actually abundance is our natural state of being. There has been previous Golden Eras when gold was widely available for everyone who needed it. Lack and limitations are our own creations. We are meant to be living among abundance if we only allow ourselves. Some of us are very harsh and hard on ourselves. Our previous hardship has taken its toll and subconsciously we blame ourselves for the difficulties. We think that we have earned to be poor and to suffer. It is a lesson that we have to learn. In another words suffering by being poor is a thing that we need. Once again – if you believe so but certainly you do not have to.

Can you see all your friends surrounded by prosperity and wealth?

Wealth is energy like anything else. If you take good care of it and let it flow it will keep coming and become stronger. But if you use it for your selfish purposes and block the sharing of wealth it will drain. Life is economical. It gives for those who appreciate and cherish it. We do not own anything, rather being only humble housekeepers that take care of the resources and gifts provided to us. In another words we must feel to be worth the wealth. Be responsible and joyous about it. We must appreciate and use it wisely.

And finally the secret of prosperity. How to become wealthy? Simply by being one. First forgive yourself. Forgive yourself any hardship or shortcomings in the past. This is important in order to clear any old luggage out of the way. Secondly, love yourself. Love yourself from all of your heart so that you fill up with unconditional love so and it starts to spill over and finally you radiate pure love. Wealth loves to be around kind and harmonious people. You feel that you’re worth the wealth and it is a natural part of your reality. Beauty and wealth are as natural for you as any other part of your reality. And then the most important issue when you have now successfully prepared the ground for your prosperity: you know that you are wealthy. You must know this deep in your mind, bottom of your heart and solid as a rock in your behaviour. You must be wealthy. How does a wealthy person think, talk and act? This is the way you manifest your reality. A wealthy person do not worry about unpaid bills or low balance in the bank account. He knows that there is nothing to worry about. He / she is wealthy and everything is going to be alright. This does not mean that one should start to spend like a millionaire and take up new loans and so on. It simply means that since we create our own reality by our own actions, talks, and thoughts and these have to be in line with the desire of prosperity. We KNOW, FEEL and ACT with confidence that the wealth is on its way. Nothing can stop as from gaining it. We are creators and thus nothing can stop our prosperity but us. Just do it – you already are.

Have you ever considered what dying means? Often we are
very shady and quiet about death. It is something we do not
want to consider or think about. It is a taboo. It is something
that only happens to somebody else—not to us. In other
words—we are afraid of it. But why?

What exactly are we afraid of? Something we do not know
anything about? Maybe.

Dying means that we are departed instantly from every-
thing we are attached to and have. We have to give away
everything so familiar and “natural” to us, something and
everything we have taken for granted. Our health, physical
body, friends, family, wealth, possessions, lifestyle, habits, and
so on. This is death. It is detachment.

Clinging and attachment do not have to be physical in
nature. We can have obsessions, desires, needs, and cravings.
Suddenly we cannot satisfy those by physical means anymore.
We are forced to be without them. This is death.

We have to die in order to live. What does that mean? We
think that we are alive and kicking when we are driven by our
lower qualities like desire, lust, obsession, and so on.
Satisfying and fulfilling these consume most of our lives. We
call this living. We are in a never-ending circle where old
needs are fulfilled and instantly new ones arise. How liberat-
ing and happy!

Being truly alive means that we are free to live, not
obsessed or forced continuously to fulfil something. Free to
be.In order to achieve this, we have to set ourselves free from
our attachments and desires. They are strong and we cannot
win them by force. The more we resist them, the larger they
become. We can beat them only by ignoring them, by learn-
ing to live without them, by detaching ourselves from every-
thing in a similar manner—as death will do to us, finally, but
this time we do it voluntarily, gradually.

It is a misunderstanding to believe that detachment will
mean literally dying and living without anything interesting
or fun. On the contrary, how much fun and freedom do you
have when you are obsessed by something? Detachment does
not mean giving up living—only giving away all the attach-
ment and clinging. You can still enjoy the sunrise and have a
delicious meal, but the difference is that those do not bear any
utility value for you anymore—they simply are. There is no
need for anything. One is not lacking anything because need
implicitly declares a lack of something (i.e., the object of the
need).

Clinging and attachment are based on ignorance, and de
facto the only thing to give away is the wrong understanding.
Greater wisdom liberates. Always.

Our greatest excuse is time. Either we do not have enough of
it or we have too much of it. Still, we can only live now, for-
ever. Future is only an illusion we project based on our experi-
ences and understanding. Past is a regenerated memory and
experience collection we re-produce according to our current
understanding and point of view. All this can only happen
right now. And still they are all only pure image forms—
nothing else.

We continuously fool ourselves. We play this game by say-
ing to ourselves that we will do this or that and gain or
progress in a specific manner in the future. But all this is done
in a way that implicitly says we are currently lacking some-
thing and will do the hard part later. Time is our excuse: “I
need time to develop/study and so on.” This would be fine if
we really would deliver on what we promised. Unfortunately,
we often change our mind along the process. It is more
important (i.e., easier) to be in the constant mode of changing
than actually achieving or being.

We escape the current moment almost all the time. We are
not happy about how we are at the moment and, therefore, we
like to comfort ourselves by saying that this is not the real me
but wait an X amount of time, and I will be this. This game is
endless. Either we crave the past or envision an imaginary
dream world of the future.

When do we have time to actually be? Being requires that
we also see and hear in the moment. It requires unbiased,
objective observation and facing reality as it is, right now. No
bias toward the past or the future—only the bare truth. Have
you ever realized who you really are or appear to be?

What’s reality like from eternity’s point of view?

Who talks by silence, does the most.

How can we see something we know nothing about?

Within a shelter,
Covered in a case,
Limited by boundaries,
Extended by nature.

Trapped in the illusion,
Bewildered at times,
Lacking the courage,
Bravery, and persistence,
Of final breakthrough,
Transcending for the unknown.

The common is the bliss,
Misery, and sadness,
Of known and accepted,
Which horrific would be to lose,
And be replaced by something new.

To stretch the limits,
Ignore the lines,
Forget the known,
Unlearn the rest,
Exist in full,
Here and now,
Wake from the drowse.