Focus on Life™

Titles, categories, and labels—that’s how the life is often perceived. There are different functions, tasks, and roles to accomplish and carry out. Often those names deceive us to believe and do things that we do not like. In actuality we even may do exactly the opposites in a hope of brighter days.

Work, holiday, retirement, hobbies, spare time, and weekend are not real. They are labels or symbols. You give them the meaning and special connotation. Those words often embody many expectations, hopes, wishes, and desires. And they are not real either.

Most of the titles have also their opposite counterpart. Work is considered as an opposite of pleasure or holiday. One needs to ‘work’ in order to have fun, later. This labelling is an excuse to delay or deceive oneself from the current moment. Categories are necessary as long as one needs the counterpart as well. This fragmentation is entirely useless in reality—unless you are living under its spell.

Replace the counterparts with their opposite adjectives and you start to see the absurdity. It may not be any big surprise to realise that most of the daily activities are filled with those more or less negative connotations. Wouldn’t this mean that you’re spending most of your time doing something you rather not like to do at all? If that’s the case maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. We can only live now and it happens 24 hours a day, every single day. No holidays or exceptions.

There are two ways to cope with the situation. Either you can take a new course and start to drop off the unpleasant things and replace them with the things you love to do or you can change your state of mind towards the various engagements and tasks in your life. Nevertheless the end result is that there is no need to have various labels in order to contrast things against each other. To say it more bluntly we are taking responsibility and control of our lives and this shows in the way we carry out our daily existence. Every moment we declare by our very presence who we are. We show it by our actions, possessions, social network, even by the way we treat total strangers. No labels needed—we simply are.

Integrated living means that one’s life is consistent and in balance. There is an overall harmony and ‘lightness’ without extreme fluctuations or sudden ’highs and lows’. If you need to ‘party hard’ in order to wash off the work stress are you really enjoying your work? Life is too short to do things we do not appreciate and enjoy doing. Even hard work is fun when you’re engaged with the activities that are close to your heart and bring fulfilment to your life. Compromising seldom brings good overall results in the long term.

Still not convinced? Check again the second paragraph. It’s all about your own expectations and assumptions. The catch-22 does not open if you do not reconsider your values and priorities. If you still need those lavish expensive holiday trips and you ‘work’ only to maintain your expensive ‘lifestyle’ aren’t you saying at the same time that most of your hours are sacrificial for the few moments you spend enjoying the ‘fruits’ of your labour. As long as you cannot enjoy your life now but later you’re living in dreams and illusions. Life happens now—never later. How can you appreciate the destination if you do not value the journey as well?

Are you afraid? No, seriously. This is not a joke or a light-hearted issue. Consider a while before answering to yourself. Still not? I don’t believe you. We all are.

Fear is something we rather not deal with. It is an unpleasant visitor and it always means trouble. At least we feel cumbersome and would like to switch to something more joyous. And actually this is exactly the problem. We do not handle and cope our fears. We bury them deep and would not want to see them anymore. Unfortunately out of sight does not mean out of our mind. Fears run deep in us. Are you getting scared? It is so easy to stop reading…

Fears are a very fundamental issue. They come with many disguises and appearances. Most of them we do not recognise even if they would say hello to us. Physical fears are the most obvious. We are afraid for our physical existence, no matter whether we are talking about our sovereign, health or appearance related issues. These can be experienced in many ways. We are uneasy with our own body and feel weak or insecure. We do not rely on it. We are afraid that it might fail or stop supporting us. In many cases this can be seen outright from us. Our posture and expressions indicate weakness or hesitation. More subtle forms limit our life by avoidance; we actively stay away from situations or circumstances that can expose our inherent limitations. Who likes to face ones shortcomings and weak points? Nobody. But are you aware that you might limit your life by fears even without acknowledging it?

Many of the fears that reside in us are learned. We have absorbed them from our childhood and the environment surrounding us. They are so autonomous and subconscious that we do not even realise that they exist — we solely act based on them. Those embarrassing moments in the childhood, when we were the laughing stock, are still having control over us. We might not even remember the incident, which can look more or less ridiculous now, but we are certainly still avoiding similar situations or possible consequences. Are you sure that you don’t possess any Pavlovian reactions (e.g. checking the keys after locking the door)?

Fears can also prevent us from acting. We are afraid of the results of some performance and thus do not perform at all or are not doing it 100 percent. All these are creating discomfort and unpleasantness since deep inside we know that we should be doing this totally and wholehearted. We are not exposing and giving everything we have. We are holding back — even just a little. And why? In many cases we are not afraid to perform but to fail. The idea of failing, and admitting it to oneself and letting others to see it, is the trigger. We are so afraid of failing that it prevents us even from succeeding. And we cannot succeed without being vulnerable to a possible failure. Top athletes face this often. They have to overcome their own mind before they can truly be successful. They have to forgive themselves beforehand in case they are not achieving the desired outcome. The difference is that they have dealt with the issue and don’t regard a poor performance as a personal failure. It was just an incident – nothing more. Or they just have to admit that they are not in the optimal condition but it is never an issue of a personal failure (i.e. judgement).

A fear of loosing something can be very tricky issue to deal with. We might be afraid of so greatly that we can go to great lengths to prevent the possibility of loosing something from materialising. If this goes on for a while we might not even remember what it was that we opposed or hold back for. Fighting and keeping the preferred status que have become more important than the original idea about the fear. It might even be that the fear bears no relevance whatsoever considered the current circumstances, if we just would stop for a while and re-evaluate the situation. We fixate to our fears.

How to get rid of these limitations? First you have to recognise and realise that you have them. Often this requires the most bravery since facing an old avoided friend is never pleasant. The rest is usually easier but not always. Admitting that I have this fear is a victory in itself but it does not make it to go away. One has to be able to observe, look, and evaluate the fear. Where does it come from? What is it exactly that I am afraid of? What are the consequences of the objects of the fear? What is the worst-case scenario and can I live with it? Often the fear disappears just by looking at it. Mentally opening up the fear into its basic components makes it to disappear. One realises that after all the fear was based on assumptions and wrong beliefs altogether! And I was just afraid of the fear itself — not its object. Is there anything else to fear than the fear itself?

Our belief structures define who we are and how we interpret
the world. They are our point of view and allow us to view the
world through rose-colored glasses. We adjust the external
world according to our beliefs. Beliefs are our world, and they
are us. Hence they are very powerful and have a great impact
on us.

When we interact with other people, we interact with their
belief structures. If these beliefs are aligned, we feel under-
stood and the interaction is a very pleasant experience. On the
other hand, if others’ beliefs do not fit into our world, they
can threaten or distress us.

We stick to our beliefs. We lock into our bunkers, and try
to keep the base safe as long as possible. This is very impor-
tant because otherwise we are bound to change our under-
standing of our existence, which often means giving up
something and adjusting our life accordingly. We have a huge
intolerance for change and uncertainty. Questioning our con-
ventional ways of categorizing and seeing the world imposes
an immediate threat for who we believe we are and how the
world is constructed according to our understanding.

Until we give up believing and creating thought structures,
we are tied up and imprisoned by them. They bound limits to
our lives and prevent us from experiencing the external world
without filters and mental handicaps.

Everything with a form and shape falls into the trinity of cre-
ation, sustenance, and dissolution. These three states are
inevitable and they materialize in time-space. Each manifes-
tation is a child of its age; it uses the concepts, structures, and
ways of the current relative reality. It has a limited existence
and relevance as well. Nothing lasts forever in time-space.

It is a poor representation and characterization when
something that has no shape or form has to be presented in
static and descriptive terms that automatically limit its
dynamic nature (i.e., real essence) to abstraction. This relative
manifestation is bound to its surroundings and can be inter-
preted only in its original environment and nature (also in
time).

This means that any attempt that tries to capture some-
thing beyond time-space limitations is doomed to fail. At
best, we are capable of providing approximations that observe
only a part of the concept in question—never the entire con-
cept itself.

A metaphor to illustrate the point: filming a live event can
only capture a part of the real action, not the smell, atmos-
phere, and other parts of the live event itself that took place.
More importantly, filming cannot reproduce the actual activ-
ity—it can only describe and capture a limited part of it (i.e.,
some of the visual aspects).

The relevance is that we stick to these representations and
give them meanings they originally never had. They start to
live a life of their own. They do not compare with the actual
essence they were used to represent. A replica never becomes
better; it does not exceed the original.
How about we stop chasing the shadows and focus on the
source instead?

(To) Be.
We are just becoming.
As long as we have to become, we are not. When we only are,
there is nothing else. A pure state of existence.

We are conservative by nature. We tend to enclose ourselves.
Some of the fences we build are physical and more tangible,
while others are more abstract. We want to protect ourselves
from the outside world and its renewal.

External fences are easier to conceive. They have many
faces, from muscle building to creating physical security
measures, all the way to building wealth and monetary riches.
Mental fences are harder to pinpoint and the most difficult
for us to realize. We hide behind our own habits, traditions,
mental and conceptual principles and rules, ways of behavior,
and subconscious patterns. These mental barriers limit our
perception and understanding of the realities of the world.
They filter the outside world for us and give us our sense of
security and control. But by doing so, they also prevent us
from renewing and developing ourselves. Our existence is
based on our self-perception, and the fences are guarding us
from anything that is not known and familiar to us—the
unpleasantness of the external world.

Life is breathing. It has three different phases—inhalation,
short pause, and exhalation. Internal and external action—
visible and invisible. Active and passive.

Breathing is living. Its intensity varies with scale. Some
breathe faster than others—their perceptions and realizations
are relative to their tempo. Small beings (e.g., cells) have dif-
ferent breathing cycles than large beings (with larger mass),
such as humans, when compared to each other. Still, the rela-
tive cycle is intact. This can be realized only in cross-scale
comparisons.

Life is a realization process (i.e., existence/manifestation)
in time. In other words, life is relative motion where the sub-
ject’s internal frame of reference is relational to its breathing
cycle. A self-conscious being has the potential to experience
various cycles at once (interlinked) and focus within a cycle in
any of the three directions. The subjective intensity remains
constant, but in relation to an external reference frame, signif-
icant relative time adjustments or movements can be experi-
enced.

Our life can be compared to a project. Projects have a begin-
ning and an end. Its definition states that it is not perma-
nent—it has a definitive life span. It starts, goes on, and ends.
A project has no purpose itself—it is only the means for
something. It has a purpose and it is used as the vehicle, the
tool, for the objective. Temporal is an interesting term.
Something has an existence in time and, therefore, it has to
have a starting point and moment as well as have an ending
point and time. It is only temporal. Everything that exists in
time has its own tempo, time, and place. Nothing is perma-
nent.

Birth, living, and dying. Often the transition points are
interesting. In those points, something changes from one for-
mulation into another—a real drastic transformation hap-
pens. Still, our own life is mainly characterized by the middle
part—the continuation. We focus almost no attention on the
beginning or the end. For us, the living part is the only real
existence and we ignore the beginning and the end. But how
can we know what to do and where to go and, more impor-
tantly, where to target if we are not aware of all three charac-
teristics—the beginning, the continuation, and the end—of
temporal existence?

Everything we see, have, are, and live within is based on two
structures: the substance (i.e., the essence) and its representa-
tion (manifestation). The appearance is the structure that is
easy to comprehend and is the only truth existing for the
inexperienced.

Only the wise can separate the representation from the
substance. The ignorant regards the appearance as the essence
and creates more confusion around. Everything has this
twofold existence and, therefore, any act or deed can either be
banal or of essence. It cannot be acknowledged only from the
representation. The paradox is that being able to reproduce
the appearance has nothing to do with the substance—nor
does it have to do with the comprehension. It is easier to
reproduce and arrange the representation than to realize the
substance underneath. However, nothing has any real value
and meaning without the substance.

The substance never has a physical appearance. It can only
be associated with something tangible, but it cannot be cap-
tured by it. For example, what is a wedding ring without love?

Facts are very important on our time. We live surrounded by
lots of information and knowledge. Most of the data around
us is not wisdom but more or less processed bits and pieces of
information. We are bound to make decisions and jump to
conclusions every day. Our understanding and perception is
limited, but still we draw conclusions. We pick sides and pres-
ent our truth as the universal one. Seldom, if ever, do we real-
ize that our subjective point of view is not shared face value by
anyone else. It is actually impossible, because everyone has his
or her own way of seeing and understanding the world. Our
own experiences and knowledge define how we interpret situ-
ations and items. Therefore, our own “truth” or rightness is
totally unique, subjective.

Still we assume that everybody shares the same values and
standards we do. Of course they understand things in a simi-
lar manner to the way we understand them. It is so obvious!
How can anyone not see the truth and the underlying issues?

This is why it is so easy to say that something is right or
wrong. We assume things that do not exist. Actually, it does
not matter, because everything is relative. What changes and
defines the value weighting are the assumptions out of which
the relative judgment is made. These we cannot explicitly
define and describe to others—they are embedded in us. If
only everybody had the same assumptions and objective facts
of the situations and issues, then we could consider making
value calls. This is not possible and, therefore, the world is full
of chaos and blaming. Everybody is right and wrong at the
same time—only in their subjective way. There is no objective
absolute truth from which to validate the real standing point.

Rightness is built deep inside us. We need to manifest
our excellence and cleverness. We want to demonstrate our
capabilities and knowledge. It is important to us to show
that we have acknowledged and understood the issue. We
want to gain acceptance and recognition from others.
Rightness is a very common and often hidden way of
achieving this. Seldom is it about the issues themselves—
they are just the means for the actual business of getting
self-satisfaction. Rightness is often about power struggle
and self-justification. We want to prove that we can win and
be superior to others, we were right!

A harder lesson to learn is how to acknowledge the right-
ness of a situation but let it go without having to prove it to
others. Another way to express this would be to say that we
feel that we have been mistreated or something is unfair. In
the situation, we did not have a chance to prove ourselves and
show what we regarded as the right thing or proper solution.
They may regard us as weak or stupid because we did not
claim our position and or stand up for ourselves. Few of us
have the guts and the wisdom to give way. The wise do not
have to prove anything. Being right itself serves no purpose. It
is totally useless and a waste of resources and energy. Why
bother with something we already know? Wouldn’t it be bet-
ter to focus on more important issues that bear real signifi-
cance? Next time you have an inner urge to be right, consider
why you are about to act the way you intend to act.Is it purely
to achieve the objective or, rather, to prove yourself?

To be right, to be wrong, and just to be. What is the right
way?