Focus on Life™

This is the era of individualism. No matter whether we talk about individuals, nations or international coalitions. Everywhere the separation is the prime directive and the underlying assumption. Still nobody is an isolated island. We only pretend to be separated.

Separation means that there is something that is included and the rest is excluded. It defines limits and polarises its object from its environment. In most of the cases separation is also associated with independence. It is assumed that this separation is outside of its environment and hence it is a self-supporting unit. In reality, this is seldom the case.

Our virtual reality can be easily exposed and revealed. It actually does not really matter whether we consider an individual or a nation. Look around you and observe the world around you. Immediately you see a plenty of products and services. Some of them are crucial for your well-being. Life-supporting elements such as electricity, clean water, and food are the most obvious. Where do they come from? Part of the power is coming from local sources but often oil or other scarce supply is needed. Also you breakfast table is most likely catered with fruits and products around the world. Ever more of our ordinary life is imported elsewhere. Call to a contact centre and you might be redirected to India or other cheaper service location. Visit a retail store and realise that most of the electronics and other products are manufactured in China or Asia.

We need each other. We are dependent on each other. We breath the same air, we drink the same water, we eat the same food. Why we continue to consider ourselves as isolated and independent entities when the reality speaks otherwise? Ignorance and selfishness start already harassing our lives in forms of natural catastrophes and epidemical diseases. Exploiting elsewhere and shutting our eyes does not make the reality go away. We can only fool ourselves — in our mind. Still the reality has its means to give us wake-up calls. A time to stop dreaming?

We know only what we know. This sounds very simple and naïve but still it is a powerful statement. It also defines what we do not know, which is very important to realise as well. One could say that we limit our world and experiences by our awareness.

Learning new and being open to new opportunities and possibilities is not easy. This can be clearly seen from the above axiom, or just by looking around you and observing how the people you know carry on having their usual habits and routines—often unchanged for decades. As if this would not be enough to restrict and narrow our potential we do it also proactively, and others do it for us.

Imagine that you are faced with a new situation that is somewhat awkward or cumbersome. To whom will you tell about it? Quickly you scan through your friends and decide to share the information with people who can handle the news. In another words you do not bother upsetting the persons, who you feel with your past experience, would be shocked and would have hard time taking in the news. Everybody knows a relative or a person who is very uptight and square with his/her world-view. With those persons you are very careful how you put your words and what kind of issues are appropriate discussion topics. You filter your interaction and communication proactively, subconsciously.

So, who limits and what? Is it you or the rest of the world?

Are you afraid? No, seriously. This is not a joke or a light-hearted issue. Consider a while before answering to yourself. Still not? I don’t believe you. We all are.

Fear is something we rather not deal with. It is an unpleasant visitor and it always means trouble. At least we feel cumbersome and would like to switch to something more joyous. And actually this is exactly the problem. We do not handle and cope our fears. We bury them deep and would not want to see them anymore. Unfortunately out of sight does not mean out of our mind. Fears run deep in us. Are you getting scared? It is so easy to stop reading…

Fears are a very fundamental issue. They come with many disguises and appearances. Most of them we do not recognise even if they would say hello to us. Physical fears are the most obvious. We are afraid for our physical existence, no matter whether we are talking about our sovereign, health or appearance related issues. These can be experienced in many ways. We are uneasy with our own body and feel weak or insecure. We do not rely on it. We are afraid that it might fail or stop supporting us. In many cases this can be seen outright from us. Our posture and expressions indicate weakness or hesitation. More subtle forms limit our life by avoidance; we actively stay away from situations or circumstances that can expose our inherent limitations. Who likes to face ones shortcomings and weak points? Nobody. But are you aware that you might limit your life by fears even without acknowledging it?

Many of the fears that reside in us are learned. We have absorbed them from our childhood and the environment surrounding us. They are so autonomous and subconscious that we do not even realise that they exist — we solely act based on them. Those embarrassing moments in the childhood, when we were the laughing stock, are still having control over us. We might not even remember the incident, which can look more or less ridiculous now, but we are certainly still avoiding similar situations or possible consequences. Are you sure that you don’t possess any Pavlovian reactions (e.g. checking the keys after locking the door)?

Fears can also prevent us from acting. We are afraid of the results of some performance and thus do not perform at all or are not doing it 100 percent. All these are creating discomfort and unpleasantness since deep inside we know that we should be doing this totally and wholehearted. We are not exposing and giving everything we have. We are holding back — even just a little. And why? In many cases we are not afraid to perform but to fail. The idea of failing, and admitting it to oneself and letting others to see it, is the trigger. We are so afraid of failing that it prevents us even from succeeding. And we cannot succeed without being vulnerable to a possible failure. Top athletes face this often. They have to overcome their own mind before they can truly be successful. They have to forgive themselves beforehand in case they are not achieving the desired outcome. The difference is that they have dealt with the issue and don’t regard a poor performance as a personal failure. It was just an incident – nothing more. Or they just have to admit that they are not in the optimal condition but it is never an issue of a personal failure (i.e. judgement).

A fear of loosing something can be very tricky issue to deal with. We might be afraid of so greatly that we can go to great lengths to prevent the possibility of loosing something from materialising. If this goes on for a while we might not even remember what it was that we opposed or hold back for. Fighting and keeping the preferred status que have become more important than the original idea about the fear. It might even be that the fear bears no relevance whatsoever considered the current circumstances, if we just would stop for a while and re-evaluate the situation. We fixate to our fears.

How to get rid of these limitations? First you have to recognise and realise that you have them. Often this requires the most bravery since facing an old avoided friend is never pleasant. The rest is usually easier but not always. Admitting that I have this fear is a victory in itself but it does not make it to go away. One has to be able to observe, look, and evaluate the fear. Where does it come from? What is it exactly that I am afraid of? What are the consequences of the objects of the fear? What is the worst-case scenario and can I live with it? Often the fear disappears just by looking at it. Mentally opening up the fear into its basic components makes it to disappear. One realises that after all the fear was based on assumptions and wrong beliefs altogether! And I was just afraid of the fear itself — not its object. Is there anything else to fear than the fear itself?