Focus on Life™

Why is it so easy to see the faults in others and be blind to our own? Often we jump to conclusions and judge other people on the outset. The fact is that we do similar or different mistakes in our life everyday—often we just do not recognise them.

The faults of others are an excellent mirror for ourself. By seeing the behaviour and actions of others we can learn from their deeds and correct our own behaviour in return. In addition we can be reminded of the shortcomings we have already been overcome by noticing the same issues in other people. This should make us humble and kindly acknowledge us that we are not perfect either. Everybody has their own shortcomings and they do their own choices and bear the consequences as well. We can do our part but we should not try to judge or intervene to their choices. Even less we should get provoked or irritated. This definitely do not help the others to realise that there might be something to improve in their actions. Everyone is a mirror for everybody else and therefore each human interaction is an outstanding opportunity to learn from the other, and upmost learn about ourself.

We often desire acceptance from others. We are insecure
about ourself and need confirmation from other people. We
want to know what others might think about us. To be more
specific, we are looking for acceptance from others by ponder-
ing what others may think about us. In most of the cases, the
truth is that others are not thinking about us at all. Why is it
so hard to rely on ourself? Why do we continuously worry
about how we are perceived by others?

Going after illusions is difficult. Attempting to please oth-
ers by finding out what they might like or think is just as
hard. Our society is full of images and “role models” that
describe and broadcast how we should be and what is “in” at
the moment. The media carefully follows the young, beauti-
ful, and rich and reports on their every move. People consume
these illusions in great numbers. Everybody wants to get his
or her share of the “better” life. We want to be associated with
and be part of the success—or the illusion—of the greater life.
Still, the happiest people are those who find their own way
and follow their unique vision. These are the people who set
new rules and break the old habits. They create something
that has not been done before. They are not afraid to stick
out from the crowd.

Following our instinct and finding the inner self is not
easy. Since our childhood, we have been raised in the middle
of different paradigms, customs, habits, and social expecta-
tions. We are expected to behave a certain way and become
just like the other people (e.g., successful, famous, etc.). It is
hard to realize what it is to be ourself and what we personally
want and believe in. René Descartes, one of the most famous
Western philosophers, did not accept anything per se. He
reconstructed his own perception and understanding of his
existence from real metaphysical fact—he might have
doubted everything else, but he could not doubt that he
existed. From this basis, Descartes started to build his own
view of the world, and he only accepted things that he could
rationally accept and prove by his own methodology and
thinking.

Most of us may not want to be as thorough as Descartes
was, but still it is worthwhile to consider and question things
around us. Why is a good question to ask for almost every-
thing we do. Often we take things for granted and accept
everything at face value. As a result, we have year after year
pored over someone else’s thoughts and ideas, and we are
filled with those; we cannot distinguish ourselves from other
people’s expectations and points of view. Standing on our own
feet and being able to know and live in a way that we really
feel is the right way is a wonderful thing. When we get the
right choices and answers from within, there is no need to
look for acceptance from the outside. It is enough to be satis-
fied by ourself. Doing the right thing from our own point of
view is enough. We can do nothing more than our best in all
circumstances. And it is enough, provided that we are honest
with ourselves. It does not matter how the others perceive or
think about us anymore.

When we start to know ourself, we start to appreciate
more of our own actions and life. We are thus happier and can
also share the happiness together with other people in our
lives. Accepting ourselves and being content with our own
lives are the first and the most important steps in our exis-
tence. We have to take the first step and do the hard work, but
then we can also enjoy the rewards, like Descartes in the sev-
enteenth century.

Our culture, society, administration, political system, infra-
structure, laws, processes, properties, possessions, and even
money are just a framework. They are the setting, the means
for the essence. These things change and evolve over time.
Technology develops and we gain more knowledge and
understanding, which is reflected in the world around us. Our
collective knowledge changes through the decades and cen-
turies. We call this development.

Still, a framework is not the essence. It only provides the
raw material and the tools for the real action. It is easy to get
confused with means and objectives along the road. The
framework is not important even though it surrounds us. We
need it but we should not get carried away by it.

The framework does not define who we are—it can only
state what we have. Our real reference frame is not vis-à-vis
the framework but relates to other living beings. How we
treat others describes who we are. We cannot live in isolation
and solely with the framework, we need the real point of ref-
erence that defines us. The essential things are universal and
eternal. They are not dependent on the development of the
framework or any particular condition or point in time in the
framework. Throughout the centuries, the writings and
advice about personal ethics and integrity have stayed the
same in essence. They describe the issues about how to live
together and in relation to other living things—despite the
circumstances.

Our surroundings enable us to declare who we are. The
framework sets us into different situations and positions.
Sometimes life is hard and at other moments it is something
else. The essence is that no matter the circumstances, we
should still be the same—the person we declare ourself to be.
Because how can we say we are one way when the circum-
stances are in our favor and yet appear as something else when
they are no longer ideal? We should be able to be who we are
in all cases and at all times—no matter what happens. We
should be like the rock-solid ground that stays put in a storm
as well as in the sunshine and on a beautiful summer day. The
framework makes it possible for us to define and declare who
we are—despite what we have or how we are.

Our challenge is to concentrate on the essence and use the
framework as our means to declare who we are. We do this by
living in the framework and for every moment, stating by our
actions our real nature. The way we treat all other people, who
are facing different circumstances and situations than us, is
the real test onto which we should focus our energies, 24/7.
So, who you are (in relation to other people) and on which
issues have you been focusing today?

We are often just struggling. Life is something we have to
struggle through. We react, and most of the things are just
issues that we have to handle. The attitude toward life is that
we have to. Most of the things we are required to do like we
would not have a choice. But what would you do if you could
do what you want instead of what you had to?

We can live our entire life with the “I have to” state of
mind. But this has a negative connotation and a pessimistic
tone. “I’m the victim and all these things fall to me to sort
out.” This ideology is fine if you like to live this way. Yet it is
not necessary to struggle and play the victim all your life. The
circumstances may be the same and all the hardship still may
be ahead of us, but we can definitely decide which way to deal
with them.

It took me awhile to realize this point. I know others who
have done this differently and very concretely. I achieved my
realization through mental practice; I did it this way because I
knew that I could carry it out the hard way if necessary. So it
was not just simple lip service or dreaming. I started to go
through all the things that I had to do. When I have to do
something, it is out of necessity, and this means that I’m
forced into the situation—I don’t do it willingly. First I went
through my list of things I had to do and came to the conclu-
sion that I actually do not have to do anything—at all. I do
not even have to die—it will be taken care of automatically
when my time is up. So, there is absolutely nothing that I
have to do. What now?

Then I started to consider what I would like to do. What
would be important and meaningful to me? The things you
choose do not necessarily need to be fun and easy—but they
have to be truly significant to you. You can only give them a
meaning and purpose. Step by step, you can start to get an
idea of things that you regard as meaningful and things that
you can do. Up to this point in your life, if you have lived the
right way, by listening to your own intuition, it should not be
a surprise that the things you choose during the exercise
might be pretty close to the reality you are already living.
Naturally, this might not be the case. But there is a funda-
mental difference now between the old situation and the new
one—the approach and the attitude. Before the exercise, you
had to do things and now you can do those things.

Our ordinary life becomes a set of routines that we take for
granted. Our lifestyle and the choices we make are like neces-
sities and obvious things that should be. Therefore, our life
also starts to feel like a “have-to” achieving competition.
When we question the reasons for the things we do and
weigh their real purpose and significance, we may see things
differently. We start to appreciate the choices we make and
things around us. They are not necessities anymore, but
things that we enjoy and want to do. And this is a big differ-
ence. Previously, we were unhappy carrying out things and
feeling bad, but when we have been given the opportunity to
do these things and see the purpose and meaning of them, it
is a pleasure to contribute and carry them out—even the rou-
tine things.

This is a way to process things without any major crises.
Naturally, we start to appreciate things when we face choices
in a hard way. When we lose our health or have only a few
moments to live, we start to see life differently. Suddenly
there are not so many things we have to do, but instead things
we can do. It would be a shame to lose a major part of our life
because of the “have to do” attitude, especially when we could
do and experience the same things with an open mind and
positive joy of accomplishment. The choice is ours.

Time is a great paradox. We are almost never in the time.
Being in the moment is almost nonexistent for us. When do
we have the time?

Time is a concept that has many purposes for us. It enables
us to escape from the current moment. We can either wander
around our past or dream about the future, but still we have to
perform all these activities in the now time. Sometimes time
is precious for us. At other times, we are bored and cannot
wait to skip the moment. Why does time sometimes fly and
at other times crawl?

It seems that we are so busy trying to do something in the
future or worrying about the past that we simply do not have
“time” for the moment. Why do we always have to do some-
thing—can we not just enjoy the moment and take the future
as it comes? How many of us can plan the future and then
implement it as we have figured it out? Is there any bigger
waste of time than worrying or dreaming about things that
might occur but most likely will not happen the way we have
planned?

Usually we would prefer to be anywhere but where we are.
This applies to being in the moment as well. We always have
to achieve or gain something. And for those things, we need
time. There is never enough time to do all the things we can
imagine. But do we really have to use all our energy to be like
zombies who are not much present in the current moment?

Only a few human beings can live in the moment. It is easy
to notice these people; they are very intense and present in the
moment. One can get their undivided attention and their
presence is often very penetrating. They are more than
focused—they purely are, fully. Being able to keep this state
every minute, hour, and time of the day requires practice. It
means that we are not busy to worry about the past or plan
the future. We concentrate on every moment as it comes and
appreciate it as if it were to be our last one. And how do you
know that this is not your final day of existence? Would you
use the time some other way than the way you are using it
right now? The challenge is to live every moment as if it is all
we have left. This way, there is no time to be wasted—we only
experience and live intensively.

Have you ever considered the question where are you really?

Let’s start by defining a house: What is a house? Usually it
is built for a purpose—it has some relevance and function. A
house is built up from various different components that are
combined and put together from basic materials and miner-
als. In other words, a combination of materials put together in
a certain order is called a house. This house is not outside of
the world from which it is put together. A house can be old,
young, stylish, ugly, ruined, or abandoned. At the end of its
existence, it is again just various materials in another order
that is no longer called a house. So what was the house?

OK, back to us. Who am I? Am I the body that is com-
bined in a particular order from stem cells? Now we have
learned to replace our broken arms, hearts, and other organs
with new ones. We can even start to grow entirely new body
parts from our very own stem cells. We can be young, old,
beautiful, ugly, sick, or healthy. And at the end of the day we
are just a bunch of materials in different order and we are
called dead. So what was me?

As we defined, a house is a combination of things from its
surroundings. It is not outside of the world. It is part of the
world. But still the house is something that is separate
because we call it a house. If it were not separate, why should
it have a name? Something nonexistent cannot be seen or
realized. A separation means that it has boundaries and can
be put in relation to something.

When we are very young we do not know the difference
between our own body and the outside world. We learn this
separation from others. We can observe and sense things
around us that are not us. We do not feel them or cannot con-
trol them. So we come to a conclusion that they must not be
us. Similarly, in the way we call a bunch of materials laid
together in a particular order a house, other people call us by
name. Other people define us and we learn to be that whatev-
erthename they have given us.

House has a particular function or purpose. But what is
our purpose? Why are we at the same time separate from the
world but still part of the world as well (we do not live outside
of the world)? We are a bunch of materials put together in a
particular order and we have a certain concentration of atoms
or energy from which other people recognize us. So could this
separation serve a purpose? Why should we be separated from
the world if that would not be meaningful? No one would
build a house if the house would not have any function. There
would not even be a word house in that case. A separation
named house within the world serves a purpose for us—it
shelters and gives us a place to stay. But a house cannot
acknowledge itself. We can. Why should we be aware of our
separation and existence if that would not serve a purpose? It
would be totally strange to use energy to put something
together without any purpose.

So, who am I? For sure I am this separation called by my
name. I should be also part of the world because I’m built
upon the materials found in the world. But when my heart is
replaced or my leg is lost I do not vanish with them. So they
are not me. There seems to be other people like me. They
behave the same, they talk and communicate. Their existence
seems similar to mine. Still, they seem not to be me. There are
also other living things that are called animals and plants. I’m
not so sure of them because they do not communicate like
humans do. But I’m sure they exist as well. They live outside
of me.

Somehow it is difficult to go further from here. There
really does not seem to be a me, only this separation within
the world that is recognized by others. They have defined me,
and I am built upon things found in the world. My conclusion
is that there is no me or I could say as well that I am the world
because I’m part of it and live in it. This temporary separation
called me is like a house. But what is a house? My purpose is
to realize the separation as an illusion and as not more than
atoms laid in a particular order. A temporary concept built
upon to realize the concept of me—and its oneness with the
world. A separation to realize its oneness. And then shall I be
no more separated.

There is plenty of confusion and chaos around us. Many
things seem not to make much sense, and drastic changes
happen. Leaving out natural disasters and environmental
incidents, humans create much of this confusion.

How does a confused person behave? He or she is insecure
and lost in his or her actions. This is literally the case when we
are lost in a strange city and wandering around without any
clear destination. Confusion in our mind is reflected in our
behavior and actions. Similarly, the confusion in the world is a
result of the confusion in people’s mind. This becomes more
apparent by extending the concept of confusion to include
ignorance and imperfect perception as well. We have to live in
a world with incomplete information and subjective interpre-
tation of the events around us. The more our mind wanders
and the less efficient our capabilities of concentration and
objective observations are, the less accurate the picture we can
construct from the things around us. Naturally, this affects
our actions and behavior, which are carried out with the best
of intentions. Still, the outcomes can be less honorable when
observed by more sophisticated understanding.

The confusion always starts from our thinking. First there
is a thought, which then can be reflected in words or directly
in actions (or in nonactions). Our life is based on more or less
a conscious perception of the world and an interpretation of
the events and occurrences on which we react. Most of our
everyday thinking happens without us noticing it at all. It’s
routine-like and “nonexistent” for us. We just act. Still, it is
possible to acknowledge our existence every moment and to
turn it into active being. By being aware of every moment and
action we take (even every thought),we have the possibility to
reduce the confusion and become more aware of our behavior
and its consequences to our surroundings.

The best way to decrease confusion around us is to start
with ourselves and make sure that we, at least, are not increas-
ing the amount of chaos and ignorance in the world. Only
after that can we start to consider helping others (if it is rele-
vant anymore after reaching the first goal perfectly).

“When you talk, you only say something that you already know;
when you listen, you learn what someone else knows.”—
Anonymous.

This quote applies to our mind as well. Usually we are busy
thinking and processing something. Our mind is like a rail-
way station—thoughts coming or going at all times. Actually
they cannot stop. They only come and go. If we are packed
with existing concepts and ideas, how could we expect to get
new ideas and experience something fresh?

Mindlessness is a state where our mind keeps still. It is not
a passive state. On the contrary; it is a state where we are
active and receptive to something new. Mindlessness is about
clearing the mind from old thoughts and concepts and mak-
ing space for something unknown and fresh. The unknown
does not come with loud noise and force. It is a quiet visitor
that avoids brutal action. It makes room for more harsh
forms. Therefore, one cannot order it to come—it comes
when it is appropriate for it to appear. Mindlessness is a
dynamic state that happens in now time. It cannot be stored
or reproduced for further usage. It cannot be restored. We
have to come to it—to prepare ourselves for it.

Some tips for personal discovery and insight:

 

1. Focus (quiet your mind).

2. Be persistent.

3. Don’t try (don’t achieve).

4. Be patient.

Disappointment is like happiness,
only a bit more serious.
It hugs you with its whole reach,
and does not let you go.
It whispers the story in your ear,
the way it should have happened.
It grieves and tells you to join,
for the mood blue and sad.

Disappointment is expectations that are let down. It is our
“lived” life that did not materialize in the real world. It is real
for us and, therefore, it feels concrete. It happens to us like
any other real loss that has come our way.

Disappointment can teach us to live in the moment. Why
should we be sad for something that has never happened?